It's Me and You Now
by SPBCx0xo
Summary: Derek struggling to make things work as a single father after the death of a loved one. Possible one shot, maybe not, haven't really decided.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

So yeah, I thought I'd try a story were Derek suddenly becomes a single father.

Dead?

How can a mere four letter word cause so much distress. You see it in the news and read about it in the papers, yet when it happens to someone you know, when death happens to someone you love, time seems to stop, and you're stuck in that moment forever.

Dead?

How can she be dead? How can she be dead and I never had the chance to say good-bye, to say that I love her? How can god just take her from the world, from me?

It's been five years since I've seen her, since I've held her in my arms and whispered 'I love you' into her ear as we both lied in bed.

Christina called me yesterday. Of all the people I thought I might have heard from, Christina was defiantly not on the top of the list, and when I heard her voice I knew, I knew something was wrong.

"Derek."

That was all she said, and I knew. I just knew something terrible had happened to her.

"Please don't tell me what I think you're going to tell me." I pleaded with her. If she didn't say it out loud then it couldn't be true.

"She's dead, Derek. I just thought you should know."

And she hung up.

Damn, she said it. She's dead, Meredith's dead. Why, I don't know. How, I don't know. When, I don't know. I know she's dead, that's all I know.

I told Addison last night that I had to go to Seattle for a while. She didn't seem happy at the mention of Seattle, but she asked me why. So I told her, I told her Meredith was dead.

I expected her to be angry with me because even after her death, I still desperately loved her, my Meredith.

But she wasn't angry. She said she was sorry that Meredith was dead. And then she apologized for taking me from her. Addison cried, Addison doesn't cry. She said she was sorry that I didn't get to spend the time with Meredith that I should have. And then she booked my flight back to Seattle.

That's how I ended up in front of her house, in my car, sobbing.

'Deep breaths, deep breaths.' I tell myself.

Her front door opened and Izzy walks out. She walks to my car and climbs into the passenger seat.

"I'm sorry." She says.

I say it back.

"I'm sorry, too."

Then I ask the questions, I have to ask.

"How, why, when?"

"A few months ago she was hit by a drunk driver. She suffered several head injuries, nothing serious though and she was supposed to make a full recovery. But something showed up on the CT scans. A tumor. A big tumor. A huge tumor, two of them. She was given at the most a year to live. She didn't quite make it that long."

She's crying now.

"Why didn't anyone call me?" I need to know.

"We all suggested that she call you, but she said no. She didn't know how you would react, and she didn't want you running back here only to lose her so soon. She didn't want you to see her so sick. She did want us to call you after, after…"

She didn't say it, she didn't finish her sentence. And then we drifted into silence. And that's how we stayed, for fifteen minutes, in silence.

"You should come in now. There's someone you should to meet."

I don't understand how she expects me to go make friends when the love of my life has just died. But I follow her inside anyway.

Once inside I can see that everyone is already there. Christina and Burke, The Chief, Bailey, Karev, O'Mally, Dr. Torres, even Finn and a few young children. And there's one little girl sitting on the couch, looking at the floor.

I remember, I thought she looked like a small version of Meredith. And then George spoke.

"Dr. Shepard, meet Allison Grey-Shepard, your daughter."

I looked back at the girl and I immediately saw the resemblances between myself and her. The eyes, the chin, and the mouth, all me. But mostly, mostly I see Meredith.

But Meredith is gone, and she left me with the greatest gift she could have given me, our daughter.

Our daughter, we have a daughter, and Meredith isn't here, we can't be a family.

I have a daughter, and she's hurting. I have a daughter, and it's me and her now.

I walk over to her and kneel down and look her in the eyes.

"Allison?" I ask, although I already know who she is.

"Are you my daddy?"

I nod, and she asks me another question.

"Can you do me a favor, daddy?"

Again I nod.

"Can you find mommy for me and bring her back?"

It's such a simple request, bring mommy home, but I can't, I can't bring mommy home.

"Allison, look at me."

She does.

"I can't bring mommy home. I know you miss her and love her. I miss her and I love her too. But no matter what anyone does mommy can't come back. She's with the angels now, watching us. It's me and you now, sweetie, me and you."

She looks down again, and I see the tears in her eyes.

"Mommy isn't coming home?"

"No sweetie, mommy isn't coming home."

"Are you going to leave?"

"No baby girl, I'm never going to leave again. It's me and you now."

"Me and you, daddy?"

"Me and you."

She finally holds her arms out to me and I lift her up and hug her as we both cry. It's me and her now. I have to take care of her, protect her, and raise her. I am responsible for another life.

I only wish Meredith were here.

---

Yeah, so this chapter is kinda boring, I know, but the next chapter will be in the future and will show Derek as a single father raising his daughter without Mer.


	2. 8 Years Later

Chapter two- Age 13 (8 years later)

I sit staring your tombstone.

8 years, it's been 8 god damn years and it still feels like yesterday. 8 years ago today you died, and it still seems like yesterday.

"Hey," I say to you, "How are you doing up there?"

This is how I've started every single conversation with you in this very same spot for the past eight years on the very same date, October 14, the day you left us.

"Ally's thirteen now. She's grown up so much since I first met her. She has her first date tonight, a school dance, with some boy from her school. I've met him a few times; he seems like a nice kid. I can't believe she's going on her first date already, to me she's still our little girl. She hasn't told me this, but she really wishes you were here. It's been hard on her without you. She's so nervous about her date, and I don't know what to do to help her. Izzie is coming over to help her get ready, and as much as Izzie has been there since you died, she's not you, she's not Ally's mother. And that's what Ally wants, you. She got her period last month, and she was so lost. I sat with her and we tried to figure out how to work the tampons, but it was Izzie who ended up helping her. I try so hard to be there for her, but I'm not you, Mer.

I know I keep talking about Ally and how much she needs you, but I need you too. I miss you so much. I love you."

And then I get up and leave.

When I drive into the driveway I can see Izzie's car and realize that she must be over helping Ally get ready. I look at my watch, it's noon and Ally's date isn't coming until five. It never ceases to amaze me how women can take such simple task like getting ready, and stretch it out over a five hour time span.

I enter the house and hear a sound coming from Ally's room, so I go upstairs to find out what it is.

I knock first, and then I hear Izzie tell me to come in, and what I see breaks my heart, Mer. Our daughter, our baby is sitting on her bed, sobbing like I've never seen another person sob before.

"Daddy." She says, and she sounds so hurt.

"Hey baby," I say as I take her in my arms and let her cry.

Izzie leaves the room and I am left sitting in our daughter's room, holding her as she cries.

I used to be afraid of her, Mer. Can you believe it; I used to be afraid of our own daughter. When you died I thought nothing else would ever scary when compared to losing you. But I was wrong, so wrong. You died and left a hurt, damaged young girl behind, our young girl. And she depended on me to protect her, to keep her safe. I didn't think I could do it Mer, I didn't think I could take over for you. And I was right, I'll never be you, but I realized that I could be me, and that was the best I could give her.

"What's the matter baby girl?" I ask her.

"I, I j…j…just mi…miss m…m…mom soooo much!' she wails, and my heart breaks.

"I know you do baby, I know."

"Why did she have to die, daddy? Why did she have to die? She should be here now, with us. She should be helping me get ready not Aunt Izzie, no matter how much I love Aunt Izzie. She should be here."

I hold her tighter as I try to think of the right words to say.

"She is here baby." And I tap her heart, "She's here."

"I kno…know, but it's not the s…sa…same!"

"I know, I know. I miss her too."

And that's how we sat, for over an hour, crying, with Ally in my arms. It's me and her, Mer, me and her. Where are you? We need you, we miss you, we love you.

Ally finally stops crying, which is good, I hate when she cries.

"Daddy?"

"Yes baby?"

"Can you ask Aunt Izzie to come in; I'm ready to get ready now."

I stand up, and kiss her on the forehead before I leave to find Izzie.

A few hours later the doorbell rings and I realize that it must be Brendan Williams, the boy Ally is supposed to go on her date with.

"Hello Dr. Shepard." he says.

"Hello Brendan, Ally will be down in a second, why don't you wait in the living room."

And so he does, and I go upstairs to tell Ally that her date is here.

When I walk into her room I am stunned, she looks beautiful.

"Your date's here Ally."

She gives Izzie a hug and thanks her, and then walks over to me and we walk downstairs together.

Brendan stands up when we walk into the room and Ally walks over to him.

"Have fun sweetie," I say as I kiss her good-bye.

And she walks out the door.

Our baby is going to her first school dance, her first date, Mer.


	3. College

Chapter 3- College

Eighteen Mer, she's eighteen. Our baby's eighteen. Can you believe it? I know I can't. She's leaving for college today, but I'm worried about her, she hasn't been feeling well lately.

I can't believe thirteen years have gone by since I met her. Thirteen years, it seems like such a long time.

She's going to NYU, Mer. She wants to be a surgeon. I told her that it is hard, she said she doesn't care.

Something interesting happened this year also. I received a call from Addison, I hadn't heard from her since you died.

I have two daughters Mer, Ally with you, and Holly with Addison. Addison was pregnant when I left.

Ally and Holly get along great, which is part of the reason that Ally is going to NYU, so that she can know her sister better.

NYU, she's leaving the nest Mer, our baby's leaving.

"Daddy?"

She says my name as if she's asking a question, and I know, I know that something is wrong.

"Yes baby girl."

"I… I… I'm…I'm…" She can't seem to spit the words out.

"You're?" I ask, slightly amused.

She mumbles something that I don't catch.

"What was that?"

"I'm… pregnant."

What, how can this be happening? She's going to college, Mer, she's going to be a surgeon, how can this be happening?

"I'm sorry Daddy, but I just, I was going to NY and Brendan is staying in Seattle and we just, and we were careful, I don't know what happened, I'm sorry."

She got that all out in one breath.

I hold out my arms to her and she falls into them.

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"What do I do?"

How do I answer a question that I don't have the answer to? What would you do Mer?

This isn't the first time I've asked you for advice, Mer. And I know you can't help me, but can't you break the rules, send me a hint, just this once. Because god knows, I need your help no more than ever.

"Daddy?"

She's waiting for an answer, damn it, what do I do? My baby's pregnant, while simultaneously leaving for NYU.

Mer, what do I do?

"Do you want this baby?"

"Yes, no, yes. I don't know daddy!" She starts sobbing even more, and she has the hiccups now. "But I don't want an abortion!" That part is clear, and I am relieved.

"Okay sweetie, let's talk about the pros and cons of having a baby right now. You go first, cons."

"Well, I'm only eighteen, I haven't even started college yet, and I want to be a surgeon. What time would there be for a child. And then there's Brendan, he wants to be a surgeon too; neither of us would have any time. And, babies are expensive, and I'd be alone at NYU. But then again, this is my baby, me, I helped create it. And I, I…"

"You what baby?"

"I love this baby, I've only known it for a week and I already love my baby."

"So you're keeping the baby?"

"I'm keeping the baby."

"Good," I say, and she smiles.

She smiles, gives me a huge hug, kisses me on the cheek and we say good-bye.

She climbs into her car and heads to pick up her friend Sarah, also going to NYU, and then she's off.

She's left the nest Mer, our baby girl has left the nest, and she's pregnant. We're going to be grandparents Mer, grandparents. But maybe it's not going to be so bad, grandma.

I smile to myself; I'm going to be a grandpa.

We've survived this far, Mer, we've survived, and we will continue to survive.

I climb upstairs and climb into bed.

Good-night Mer, I love you.


End file.
